It’s another sleepless night…currently 4 am. I have been watching cute couples on YouTube since 11 pm. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about all that we have been through these past few years. This past year specifically as the stress of the world has come crashing down on us. There were times where I didn’t think we would make it. It felt like everything we were going through was becoming too much for you to handle. I knew that I wanted to work through whatever we were going through because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. All those times where you didn’t give up on me, they only solidified my position on how I feel about you. I know now more than ever that I want you to be the man that I spend the rest of my life with.
As I watch all of those adorable couples that remind me of us, it just makes me love you even more. It makes me appreciate you, with all of your perfect imperfections. I want all of you, all day everyday, for the rest of my life. Tomorrow is not promised and with you I feel like the best version of myself. You push me to be better than ever. You inspire me to do things I never thought I could. You believe in me so much that I truly feel like I can do anything, as long as you are right there beside me. You have let me into your heart, sharing feelings that not even your family know. You have given me the opportunity to hold your heart in my hands. I will forever love and cherish it.
I have watched just about any couple video you could think of, birth vlogs, wedding videos, family vlogs, couple pranks, and just about anything relationship related. When I watched them, I couldn’t help but imagine that one day it might be you and I getting married, buying a house, living together, finding out we’re having a baby, revealing the gender of our child, going into labor and giving birth, raising our children, having pets, going through hell and high water together, but overall just spending every moment of our lives embracing each other and supporting one another to be greater than ever.
I love you so much. I don’t just say it because it seems appropriate after nearly 3 years of dating. I say it because I truly love you with every bone and fiber in my body. I love you so much and I feel like no matter what happens in our lives, I will always love you unconditionally because you have shown me things I never thought I would see. You have helped me learn to love myself. You have helped me gain confidence in myself. You have loved me when I believed no one else did. You have NEVER given up on me. You have never talked down on me. You have done so much for me and for that I am eternally grateful and will always have a very special place in my heart for you.
I know I can be a lot to deal with. When I become stressed, it takes over and I can become super bitchy and mean. I let my stress get the best of me and sometimes it affects you or hurts you. You always communicate with me when I am being too much. You don’t call me out and point the finger. Instead you are patient and understanding. You always mean well in everything you say. Even when we can’t see eye to eye, there is something that we both agree on. We want our relationship to work regardless of how hard things get. You always tell me this and I sometimes don’t believe you.
I am definitely afraid that one day you will leave me because you no longer want to take on my problems. I worry that you will stop loving me and fall in love with someone else. I worry because you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I could be exaggerating in the eyes of others, but I know what I feel. What I feel is more real than anything else I have felt before. We are still young and have a lot to learn and experience, but I know how I feel about you, I know that I love you and I want to experience all of life’s crazy moments with. I love everything about you, inside and out. No one else makes me feel like you do. Nobody. No one can brighten up my day like you. I trust no one as much as I trust you. Baby you are my everything.
It’s been two weeks without you and I still can’t seem to sleep. At first I knew for certain that you were the reason behind my sleepless nights, but now I am not so sure. I feel myself becoming more and more sad. I find myself being lonely even when I am in a room full of people. I lack the energy and motivation to do most things. I haven’t been to the gym not once since you left. I am picking up shifts at work so I can pay for rent and so I can keep myself busy. I want so badly to be happy and energetic and enjoying myself, but it is so hard. When you left, not only did I say goodbye to my best friend, but I also said goodbye to the one person that makes every detail of my life 100% better. Talking to you always brightens up my day, but hearing your voice on the phone isn’t the same as watching your words or your laugh spill from your soft pink lips. Your snapchats aren’t the same as looking into your blue eyes and watching a smile spread across your face. It just isn’t the same without you here. I find myself more ready for the summer to be over than anything. I have to spend yet another summer away from you and it hurts my heart so much. I wanted nothing more than to actually have the time to go out on dates, enjoy the city, try new foods, celebrate our birthdays together, and so much more. I guess we will have to wait until we have our final week of relaxation before classes start up again for the Fall 2019 semester. Not much of a summer, but I just want to be with you again. I want to be in your arms. I want to feel your lips against mine. I want our bodies to intertwine. I want to make love with you. I want to cuddle with you at night until we fall asleep. I want to make you laugh and smile. I want to catch you mid-gaze smiling at me concentrating on homework. I want you to open your arms for a hug after I called you and told you I had a long day. I want to feel you kiss my forehead and tuck me in when you get up for your early ass classes. I want to hear you sing the lyrics to songs I have put on the playlists I made for you. I just want to be by your side conquering every tasks that comes our way together.
